It is the relationships with people who can almost commit, who treat us wonderfully then diminsh, demean and ignore us; those that are highly charged and gnawingly addcitive that we keep coming back for more - yes the most passionate of romances are normally the ones end in disaster. Within these relationships we struggle with the need to improve ourselves so much so that we beging to play hard to get; we try giving more and practice giving less; we try to be funnier, or more successful or in get ourselves in shape and all because we long for our desired one to finally want us as much as we want them.
This is what can be refered to as an Attraction of Deprivation.
All of us are attracted to a particular type - a physical type, an emotional one or perhaps a personality. It is this ”iconic” attraction which bring those butterflies, but also triggers our insecurities and a seismic longing for them. So why do we have them? Often it is because it is these characteristics embody the worst characteristics of our caregivers and deep down in our subconcious, we are seeking the healing of wounds. Our Psyche plans to recreate the scene of the original crime and save us by changing the ending. Maybe an apology, or a change of mind, even someone making up for what happened to us all those years ago will help us escape the prison of unworthiness.
At a certain point, and usually after a great deal of pain, we begin to lose our taste for the relationships which chip away at our sense of self-worth. But as we lose taste for these passionate encounters, we tend to experience a void in our dating lives. We don’t want the pain of the past, but nothing seems to “excite” us. As with everything in life, time will pass and we will begin to seek relationships with warmth and easiness.
These are what can be referred to as Attractions of Inspiration.
In these relationships our challenge is to accept our partner’s caring. To allow them to challenge us to be better people, and loving us for who we really are. They make us feel loved, not desperate. The joy we feel in these relationships does not come from conquest or momentary validation, but the quality of contentment we feel. Essential these atttractions mean we are on the same page, not better or worse, and even though we may not feel that initial thrill, but being accepted and embraced, the erotic and emotional charge evolves and the relationship deepens and intensifies.
So if I could wish anything for you, it would be that you stop being pulled towards the Relationships of Deprivation, focus on yourselves and begin seeking those Relationships of Inspiration.